MAN, I TELL YOU - As I get older, I keep getting busier. I thought it was supposed to be the other way around! I’m getting near the next stage of my life, though. Monday was my final math class, so now I’ve just got to hand in my thesis this June (on a topic from auction theory) and I’ve got an MS in Math in the tank. Not bad, right? I’ve also got less than three months left at my job here in Richmond, after which I’ll need to send out my grad school applications. I feel pretty good about these; I’m in much better shape than I was coming out of undergrad, particularly as concerns my technical skills, and I’ve also picked up a bunch of contacts at schools I want to go to. I know two decent programs where people I’ve worked for have already told me I can come to, so I can avoid too much worry about safety schools and just go all out for dream programs. Still, it’s a bit tense of a process, right?
I’ve drove to Florida State and back with my Dad last weekend. He’s a tough nut to crack. Like many people of his age (he graduated high school in 1973), he got pretty heavy into various substances when he was younger, and despite a college degree in history, he worked odd jobs for the past quarter century; machinist, part-time private investigator and student teacher, among many others. Dad’s a smart guy - his youngest brother, who avoided drugs, is a PhD engineer! - but just headed down the wrong track. He’s been clean 20 years, but the path you go down when you’re young turns out to matter quite a bit. He and my Mom have been divorced since 1989 or so, and he never remarried.
My dad was never very good with money. I think he’s two bankruptcies in the books, and sitting on nearly 100 grand in debt with no assets right now. Most of that debt is student loans - he did a second degree in criminal justice a few years back and now works as a probation counselor - and student loan debt is not forgiven in bankruptcy. At this point, he makes maybe 30k a year, and the courts take over 500 per month in back child support, so you can imagine he doesn’t have money most of the time. Thing is, he’s not poor because he’s flashy with the money, but poor because he’s stupid with the money. At one point, he wanted to go back and teach high school history, but for some reason or another left the Masters in Teaching program with one semester to go. He did his criminal justice degree at a not-terribly-cheap private college in New Hampshire, and though he did very well in his classes, I can’t help but think his job prospects are no different from if he’d done the degree at Phoenix online or something similar. Because his credit is so bad, his car payments on a 10 year-old Toyota are quite a bit more than what I pay for my new BMW convertible - and my car payment includes all the maintenance! At some level, I’d like to help him get his finances back in order, but there’s only so much a 24-year-old son can lecture his father, right? And it would make me personally better off; I’ve lent him a fairly substantial amount of money since I started working which I don’t ever expect to see back. That’s alright - I was raised that family is the most important thing, so I’ll help if it’s needed - but it would be nice not to have such a responsibility.
He’s also single, having just come out of another year-long relationship, which is about as long as his relationships have been since he was divorced. I completely understand when he tells me that it’s frustrating; he’s a nice guy, and you don’t have to walk far to run into a real jackass with a long-lasting marriage or long-term girlfriend. But what can you do? He’s 53, has no assets to his name, doesn’t drink (so bars are out of the question), and doesn’t have any specific hobbies where you would meet a nice girl. It’s not good to see him sad over this - he would never say as such, but I’m old enough that I know without being told.
This is a particularly tough thing for someone who grew up middle class. As a kid, more or less every adult you know is the parent of a friend who lives in a middle-class area, so by definition these adults have family and have some kind of career success. This isn’t preordained, though; it’s what statisticians call selection bias. The guys and girls from the previous generation would didn’t find family, who didn’t find success in their jobs? They’ve always been there, but we just never saw them growing up.
That’s all I’ve got. I don’t know even what I can do, but this is as good a format as anywhere to work through my thoughts.
I guess I’ve got one more thing. It always surprises me to see that negative traits between parents and children are positively correlated, rather than negatively correlated. That is, kids of wifebeaters are more likely to abuse their wives, kids of smokers are more likely to smoke, and on and on. This strikes me as so backward. Shouldn’t we learn from the experience of our family. I like to think - and perhaps I have blinders on here, but I don’t think so - that I’ve avoided, through deliberate effort, the sins of my parents and other family members. Am I conservative when it comes to economics because I’ve seen that choices are far more important than income in determining someone’s economic success? Sure. Do I avoid drugs and hold back when it comes to drink because I saw what it did to my Dad and my uncles? Of course. Most people don’t seem to make this transition, though. Why is that?
