I FINALLY GAVE IN and watched “Fever Pitch”, the notorious Drew Barrymore/Jimmy Fallon romantic comedy about the Red Sox. I say notorious because I’ve never heard of a Sox fan who thought the movie was worth a dime. Let’s go with the good bits bits first:
1) In general, they included most of the Red Sox lore: “Tessie”, “Dirty Water”, the Yaz song, Boston Dirt Dogs, the Cask n’ Flagon, the Reverse Curve/Reverse the Curse roadsign.
2) There was footage of the greatest postseason in the history of sports. There’s a scene where the Sox win a midseason game with an 8 run ninth, and bedlam ensues. I think they mentioned a dozen topless chicks, a nun dancing on a car, and cops drinking with kids. Let me hit you with some knowledge: after some actual big wins (Game 7 against the 8s in 03, the Game 4 in 04, the Game 7 in 04), there were dozens of topless girls, firecrackers and bonfires in the street, people burning Yankees shit from the tops of buildings, cops throwing high-fives, and a South Asian taxi driver screaming out the window because he’d broken his horn from honking in celebration. People were hugging everyone, whether they knew each other or not, and literally hundreds of thousands of people were chanting Sox slogans.
OK, that’s about it. Here are the problems:
1) Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore were on the field after Game 4 when the Sox won the World Series. This is unforgivable.
2) Let’s talk about Jimmy Fallon for a second. He was asked in an interview whether he was a Sox or a Yanks fan. He said, “I like them both.” What? I bet that Tom Hanks didn’t say, when asked by the press after filming Saving Private Ryan whether he was a fan of the Nazis or the Allies, that he “liked them both.” Would it have been that hard to find someone actually from New England for this movie? Incidentally, the Boston accents were wholly awful throughout most of the movie.
3) The absolutely ridiculous scene where Barrymore runs across the field, and gets a standing O for making her man fall back in love while the crowd cheers. This scene, in theory, is happening before the top of the ninth in the Game 4. Let’s just say the entire city of Boston was absolutely distraught at that moment. St. Patrick himself could have appeared and beat the ish out of an animatronic King George III while it rained Sam Adams Lager, and the crowd still wouldn’t have clapped then.
4) Barrymore is the devil girlfriend. She supposedly makes a big sacrifice by going to a few games now and again. With seats right behind the dugout, she’s constantly on her cell or using her laptop. Any decent Sox fans would drop her like a bad habit the first time she pulled that shit.
5) Aside from the front doors of their apartments, and some sweeping shots from the air, you wouldn’t have known the movie was set in Boston. There was not a peep of “non-tourist Boston”: JP, Southie, East Boston, the Dot, Ruggles, Rozzie and all the rest. This isn’t a major flaw, but you can’t be a great Hub flick without these things.
6) There was not a single instance of what Bill Simmons calls a “chill scene.” I’m not gonna lie: I get the full-body chills at least once in any good sports movie. This Nike Sox ad definitely gives me a little chill. Nothing, however, can compare with the greatest Youtube clip ever: Game 5, 2004. Shot from the stands, everyone goes crazy as Ortiz homers to walkoff after 5 hours and 49 minutes, only one night after beating the Yanks in the game 4, also in extra innings. How can you make a movie about the 2004 Sox and NOT have a chill scene. It’s impossible.
This movie was painful.
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